the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
