just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
