The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
