Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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