and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
