last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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