i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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