Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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