My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
