If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
We had to coat check the pizza.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
