Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
