You're so nebulous sometimes
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
