he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
