His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
