New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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