We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
