You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
