Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
