I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I wear drunk well.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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