Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
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you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
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Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize