no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
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U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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