and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
