member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
