you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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