Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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