Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
