Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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