you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
