Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I feel great
I just peed on a car
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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