420 ftw
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
