i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
