I can't breathe out the right side of my face
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
