My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
