The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
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Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
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You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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