he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
