He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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