Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I fill condoms, not promises.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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