I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
