Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
