Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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