Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
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you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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