Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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