Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize