I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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