you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
