TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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