You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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