Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
