this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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