dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
