what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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