so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
