I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
