remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
