There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
