Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
