i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
