Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
