you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
