It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
