the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
