Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
