She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Randomize
