I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
