I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
