That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I cut my penus on the lid.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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