Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
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I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
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I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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