im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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