you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.