i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I would not recommend douching while drunk.