I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
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When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
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I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?