it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
try lime green
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.