I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.