Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight