just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
