Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
