So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
