I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Randomize
