You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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