Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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