I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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