I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
