I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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