My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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