wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Randomize
