there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
