what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
She has the best kind of daddy issues
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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