she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
zippers are such a cool invention
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
