I just pynch a tree in the face
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
